Three Casino Kings Contemplated

There are a huge number of reasons why Real-World casinos should be scythed away from our society and their owners are just some of them

Real-World casinos are ghastly places owned by horrible people. You only have to look at the collection of possibly-at-one-time human entities that build and run these places to know there’s a an evil force at work behind these ugly monoliths of money-farming. When Atlantic City went into meltdown last year people complained of faceless corporations owning the closing casinos, but looking at the alternative the hidden minions of capitalism are a far more acceptable choice.

Casino Owners Are Evil
• Steve Wynn is an Oompa loompa
• Sheldon Adelson is a Sontaran
• Donald Trump is an ape in a wig

Sure, corporate types squeeze the profits out of a business, closing it when it fails to live up to their projected margins, each board gambling news of a sell up won’t hinder the next buy out, their nasty money-grubbing ways an evil all of their own, but at least we don’t have to look at their stupid faces, listen to their dire political views or have to spend all our time thinking “That’s a wig, isn’t it?”. Corporate ownership might be about to destroy society and wipe out the world, but compared to some of the “casino moguls” they’re just being playful.

Steven Wynn, a man who looks like someone dug up the corpse of a 1980’s game-show host and reanimated it using a process combining a ronseal coating and a foot pump hose inserted where only customs and immigration officers dare to plunge a rubber-gloved hand, is almost certainly the remote-controlled vanguard of an invasion by hostile forces determined to beat the globe into submission by over use of his punched-in looking sunken eyes and exceedingly fake smile.

Given his complexion I can only surmise his puppet-masters are actually the Oompa-Loompas from Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. Nothing should be that orange without actually being an orange, and whilst there is some attraction to the concept of peeling and pulping him, I don’t personally feel that the resultant juices would be particularly palatable however much vodka you added to it, and anyway, his hair would clog up the filter.

Wynn Hair Dye Isn’t Enough

Despite being 73 years of age his hair is, of course, still farcically jet black, making Mr. Wynn hardly alone in the US gambling laws of nature can be rewritten by the contents of a bottle of Grecian 2000 but all it really does is make him look like a he stole a clip-on hairpiece from one of those little men you get in big boxes of Lego. Well known for collecting art I can only assume he likes pretty things to look at around him to distract from his own woeful aesthetic.

Sheldon Adelson meanwhile has hair that looks like someone set off a cartoon explosion a few inches in front of his face with the vast majority of it perched on the back of his head as if it were trying to escape having to be seen next to his face. Given the way his face looks, I’m unsurprised. He appears to be a rather bizarre cross between a Sontaran warrior from the modern incarnation of Doctor Who and the Stay-Puffed Marshmallow man from Ghostbusters.

Of course the most objectionable thing about Sheldon Adelson isn’t so much his aesthetic as his attitude which basically consists of opening his wallet to anyone that will agree with whatever idiotic, delusionary plan he has this week to try and turn back time to when there was no internet and thus no online competition for his casinos. Given he spent $6 million on the mid-term elections one can only imagine how much of his fortune he’s willing to blow on bribes contributions during a White House race when he wants something.

His determination to pervert democracy using money is, of course, just part of the American dream where a man can do anything he can afford even if it removes rights and freedoms from others with whom Sheldon Adelson happens to disagree. Every serious Republican candidate has courted this nasty old man for his money, doubtless selling their souls and principles out for this 81 year old’s sizable contributions of blood money to their campaigns.

Is Trump Aping A Real Person?

By comparison Donald Trump has hair he stole of a dead zoo primate glued to his head and is so deluded he actually thinks he is running for President. This is almost as stupid a concept as Boko Haram entering the Eurovision song contest, the Pope becoming a stripper on weekends or Dick Cheney being confused with a real human being. Donald Trump has about as much chance of becoming President of the United States as Vladimir Putin does, if not less – Vlad has nukes, Trump has a wig.

Trump is notable, of course, for actually trying to sue Bill Maher for saying he appeared descended from an orangutang, almost certainly because unknown to us, the orangutangs were suing him for defamation of character, contravening their aesthetic copyright holdings and breaking the tire-swing. The big differences between Trump and an orangutang are that; a) An orangutang would make a better president than Trump, and b) An orangutang wouldn’t be caught dead in a wig that bad.

Trump’s wig could probably stand for president without him. It has as high a public profile as he does, would look better without him stuck to its ass and hasn’t yet said anything irrevocably stupid, unlike Trump who does it all the time as he battles to be thought of as the male Sarah Palin of Republican politics. You get the impression looking at him that if he got really angry, his wig would revolve on top of his head making the sound of a swanny-whistle played too quickly.

Looking at these three then, is it any wonder they build these horrible monstrosities of ugly architecture and lousy atmosphere, these palaces to prey on people, these monoliths of mugging. With each of them rich enough not to give a flying footstool what anyone else thinks, one tries to convince people he still has black hair, the next wants everyone to think precisely the same way he does, and the last is so worried he might be bald he prefers to look like a monkey. Can anything good be produced by people like this? I think not……