London Mayoral Election; Will You Bet On Prince Or Pauper?

The news media, having completely given up on trying to fulfill the actual requirements of the fourth estate, these days tend toward gossip mongering, innuendo, mild titillation and judgmental speculation, turning everything into a “process” and giving absolutely everything a “narrative”. This is especially true of anything that involves an election be it Big Brother, Strictly Come Dancing or politics. However they can be spared even this paltry effort on their part when it comes to the next London mayoral election because it’s already shaping up to be a political fairytale, and it might just get grim.

London Mayoral Election Next Summer

• Zac Goldsmith vs Sadiq Khan
• Political Prince vs Principled Pauper
• Bet on it now at Bet365

Once upon a time, many years ago, in a land far, far away there was a city called London, and despite being nearly two thousand years old it didn’t have a politically executive mayor but a largely ceremonial Lord Mayor who had no power but rather a nice line in knee britches and garters. It wasn’t until the 1960s that the Greater London Council (GLC) was created giving London a legislative body, but lamentably there was still no mayor of London as such and no London mayoral elections.

By the 1980’s this body was led by a man called “Red” Ken Livingstone, a leftie that Londoners loved because he constantly needled the Thatcher Conservative government of the day. However the evil witch that was Mrs. Thatcher decided to counter this by abolishing the GLC and in 1986 its functions were curtailed, its powers devolved to individual London boroughs, and Ken Livingstone was kicked out on his ear. It seemed destiny was never to provide citizens with a London mayoral election.

Thankfully a young hero called Tony Blair, in the days before he went over to the dark side, brought back plans for London to have its own control mechanisms, gambling news of this would bolster his polling numbers, and created the Greater London Authority, or GLA, which would have as its leader an elected mayor of London. In 2000 a London mayoral election were held and Ken Livingstone (yes, him again) was elected as Mayor of London despite not having the backing of any political party, not even Labour, and began his acceptance speech with the words “As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted 14 years ago…”

Ken ruled a happy London for eight years before the Conservatives put up the bumbling Colonel Blimp love-child that is Boris Johnson up to run against him. Boris appealed to Londoners under a Labour government, partly because he might needle them as Ken had the Tories, but mostly because his utter incompetence and stupidity made him endearing given his privileged background and wealthy family connections. Here, they thought watching the London mayoral election, was a posh boy too foolish to be dangerous, they thought, but they were wrong.

London Mayoral Election 2016

As is common in fairytales Boris Johnson, far from being the innocent scruffy haired muppet he appeared during the London mayoral election and his many amusing TV appearances, turned out to have ambitions well beyond being the mayor of London and just this year has stepped down to place himself in the running to replace David Cameron as leader of the Conservative party, and possibly become Prime Minister, a thought so frightening it makes a nuclear holocaust sound as pleasurable as a soapy-tit wank in comparison.

Of course with the prince of pillocks off trying to become king, the running for Mayor of London is wide open and what better way could there be of carrying on the traditions of the position by having a London mayoral election between a pair of characters that couldn’t be more opposite if they’d been scripted by the Brothers Grimm. One is the son of a bus driver, the other one inherited three hundred million pounds when his billionaire financier father died. The contrast is worthy of Disney, and makes for an election well worth speculating upon for those that like to bet on sports in the UK because this will be some match up.

Sadiq Khan grew up as one of eight children on a council estate in South London, and if that sounds pleasant you’ve never been to South London, and if you don’t know what a council estate is because you live in a land far, far away, think “projects” in US terms and you’ll be getting close to just how ghastly those places are. A member of the left wing Labour party Mr. Khan is currently the MP for Tooting, famous for very little except being the revolutionary base for Citizen Smith in the 1970s, and is probably deserving of winning a London mayoral election having lived and breathed it for many years.

His opponent, on the other hand, is son of James Goldsmith and called Zac. He’s rich, posh and went to Eton from whence he was expelled for cannabis possession and is standing in the London mayoral election for the Conservative party despite this criminal record. David Cameron brought him into the Conservative party during a revamp and he became MP for the rather well-to-do suburb of Richmond where his environmentalist pretensions played well alongside his nationalistic euroscepticism. Zac, however, has other qualifications that might help his campaign in the London mayoral election.

Odds Are With Sadiq But The Money Is In Zac’s Pocket

To say Zac Goldsmith is good looking would be a bit of an understatement. Whilst Sadiq Khan looks entirely affable, evidently intelligent and as a true Londoner should, the Conservatives are hoping that Zac’s handsome charm will win round significant portions of the electorate in the London mayoral election next summer, mostly those of the female persuasion. His aesthetic was described by the Guardian’s Decca Aikenhead as his having “Sculpted cheekbones, bee-stung lips, honied voice and tall, liquid grace.” Which is the kindest description that left-wing rag has ever used for a Tory.

A cute lad indeed

The degree to which aesthetics will play a part in the London mayoral election is still up for discussion, after all neither Ken nor Boris were lookers, but the relative wealth of each candidate is likely to be far more salient, with Sadiq able to appear down-to-earth and knowledgeable about the challenges that face everyday Londoners having actually been one. In return Zac has almost bottomless pockets but will have to be careful he doesn’t fall foul of campaign financing laws.

Zac has a bit of previous when it comes to dodgy expenses, but unlike most MPs who are caught having taken money to which they’re not entitled, Zac was perhaps a little wayward in reporting the amount of his own money he’d spent during the campaign to get himself elected in Richmond. In the UK you have to give a detailed list of expenditure, and Zac’s list was an imaginative document that kept him within the letter of the law but raised numerous questions about how much his money is able to buy him an advantage.

Given at present, on sites like Bet365, you can get 2.0 on Zac and a slightly more likely 1.8 on Sadiq means that the posh toff will know he’s got ground to make up, and the temptation will be for him to get creative again with his expenditure, something Labour will be monitoring closely hoping to trip him up embarrassingly when the dust settles. If you’re a Londoner you’ll probably already have made up your mind who you want to win the London mayoral election, those of you willing to take advantage of UK gambling laws from further afield may want to look it over carefully before wagering on this political fairytale that sees the pauper go up against the prince next summer to see who’ll be the next mayor of London. Just don’t expect anyone to live happily ever after.