How To Gamble In Orbit, Space And Beyond

Richard Branson is in trouble because his ‘space flight’ went off course, of course. The authorities frown on such things. And indeed everything else as well. However this trend for space exploration continues to grow apace, and soon we may all need to know how to gamble in orbit, on other planets or even in the far reaches of the galaxy. Access to online betting sites in the US like Bovada could be patchy near Alpha Centauri so here’s a list of some alternatives.

1. Dock At The ISS

Early most ‘space flights’ will be suborbital, and you’ll still have the internet in some vague form. However, eventually, you’ll find yourself in orbit where net connections can be a little more fickle. You may thus need to dock at the only space station the planet currently possesses, the ISS. They will, at least, have a stable connection to the earth, so they’ll solve your problem of how to gamble in orbit. You can also bet amongst yourselves as to which one of the ISS crew farted.

2. Hack A Satellite

Of course, those of you exploring how to gamble in orbit might find this quicker and easier. Elon Musk is currently littering the sky with satellites designed to provide the internet to millions. Why not join in? You should find their security systems relatively unsophisticated. You could even just zip on over and plug yourselves indirectly, if necessary. Naturally, you might want to be careful which satellite you choose. So of those cold war monstrosities bite back if badgered.

3. Try Debris Bingo

Anyone in the US gambling laws of common sense would have seen humanity tidy up after itself needs to watch the news more often. Seeking how to gamble in orbit you may well see this then as the easiest game in town. Just change altitude, attitude and speed and then bet on how soon a piece of debris pierces the space craft’s skin. Those who need an extra frisson of excitement can even wager on the size of the hole it’ll make, who’ll get sucked out first, and if anyone survives.

4. Play Oxygen Roulette

Spacewalks are dangerous. They perhaps answer all the needs of those trying to find out how to gamble in orbit all by themselves. However, these too will fade into ubiquity and lose their luster. So you’re probably going to need another way of making these hum-drum activities more enjoyable. What better way than reintroducing the sensation of risk? Oxygen Roulette does that. How do you play? Easy! Four people, four oxygen tanks, three full, one empty. Need I say more? 

5. Annex The Nazi Lunar Casinos

Everyone knows the Third Reich had a secret space program and established colonies on the moon. They will have built casinos, and if you need to know how to gamble in orbit and beyond they’ll be a good place to start. Despite any technological progress, they may have made you should be able to subdue them easily enough. You’ll then be able to use their facilities to bet on sports in the US at Bovada or wherever. Remember, enslaving Nazis isn’t criminal, it’s ironic.

6. Start An Intergalactic War

Well, you did want to know how to gamble in orbit and beyond, and this is the beyond bit. Eventually, as mankind reaches out into the inky void of the galaxy we’re going to encounter some dangerous situations. We should find most of these are natural in nature, however, some will be hostile alien races. Could we win a war against a technologically advanced space-faring race? Probably not. So this might be one wager to avoid if possible, and if not, consider surrender.

7. Annoy The FAA

Annoying the FAA is, apparently, quite easy. They take themselves very seriously. So if you want to know how to gamble in orbit, simply drift a little off course. Not much, just enough. Apparently, this is enough to get you grounded. Where, of course, you’ll have plenty of time to hit up Bovada or any of the other online sportsbook sites in the US. Naturally, the pettifogging FAA won’t really stem the tide of progress, but they could, in the short term, make it really annoying.

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We take a look at how to gamble in orbit, in space, in the far reaches of the galaxy and in the maelstrom of insanity that is petty bureaucracy.