China Warns Poker Players That 1 in 6 Cards is Poisoned for Holidays

Peoples Republic of China has issued a warning for gamblers to avoid handing poker playing cards during this Chinese New Year Holiday. Playing poker is a popular activity during each Chinese New Year despite strict Chinese gambling laws which prohibit all forms of gambling in mainland China. According to a curious press release issued by Chinese officials, a specific chemical test was ran on all 30 brands of popular poker playing cards to determine if they contain formaldehyde, a poisonous carcinogen.

It has been determined that ‘over five brands’ of poker playing cards had 1000% higher levels of the carcinogenic chemical than allowed by law. The Chinese Peoples Council of Workers applauded the vigilance of the people’s party for warning law breakers of the poisoned brands of cards. Mr. Huang Lai-ho, a spokesperson for the Chinese Bureau of Standards, Meteorology and Inspection (BSMI), confirmed the validity of the findings.

The Communist Party of China ordered that only 75 parts per million of formaldehyde is allowed during manufacturing of cards but surprisingly 612 parts per million were found during specific tests. The government refused to disclose to Chinese poker rooms the brands of cards which contained excessive levels of the poison. BSMI is advising players to wash their hands often after handling any playing cards. Contact with formaldehyde may cause symptoms which are similar to asthma: headaches, burning throat and difficulty breathing.

Dissidents as well as political analysts question the timing of the tests as well as news releases to coincide with the Chinese New Year and suspect ulterior motives. Mr. Chang Ti, of the Global Freedom China Group claims that the government would not release the brand names of the allegedly poisoned cards in an effort to frighten gambling during the Chinese New Year. Mr. Chang said that “Communist China hands out death sentences to suspects in a matter of days for lesser crimes, and now five playing card manufacturers conspired to poison hundreds of millions of Chinese people, and nobody was even detained, nor were the names of companies revealed. This is very strange.”

Peoples Republic of China controls the biggest gambling Mecca in the world, Macau, yet criminalizes all forms of gambling on the mainland. The Chinese government is fighting a losing battle, as three underground online casino in China open for each one that is closed according to Chinese news sources.